A life with Yuffie
by Eriko Akikuro
Summary: Yuffie moves to a new town with her family and her sons Leon, Riku and Zexion fall in love with the neighbors. AxelRoxas, LeonCloud, RikuSora, ZexionDemyx and YuffieVincent
1. You finally understand

"Did you ever feel like breakin' down? Ever feel outa place?" Yuffie sang louder and louder trying desperately to drown out her children's complaints. She spared a glance at her husband looking for support but only got a smirk that plainly said "serves you right". She glared at the road and gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"BUT WHY?! WHY SQUAL?! WHY?!!!!!!" that was her oldest ahhh her lovely squally.

"HEY! AT LEAST YOU GET TO HAVE A NICKNAME! NO ONE CALLS YOU SQUAL! _YOUR LEON_ _REMEMBER" __there's my lovely little Riku chiming in._

"THAT'S RIGHT! Its LEON GET IT STRAIGHT! IM TALKIN TO MUM SO SHUT UP!"

A snicker was heard from the back seat " Leon got it memorized?" There was Axel not her kid but basically lived with them. He only went home when his mom decided it was time to clean the house after that Rinoa really didn't care where her son was as long as he wasn't costing her money. Yuffie loved the red head pyro as her own so she didn't mind his frequent stays. She really looked forward to them. He kept Roxas calm. Speaking of which.

"SHUT UP YOU TWO! IM TIRED OF IT!"

"OH CAN IT! YOUR JUST MAD CUZ LEON WONT LET YOU SIT BY YOUR BOYFRIEND." Riku countered. Roxas blushed and sank deep into the seat. Yuffie grinned. Of coarse, it always came to below the belt blows with these guys. Yuffie jerked the truck to the side of the road and slammed on the breaks. As she rounded on her husband Roxas sank deeper into the seat between them looking terrified.

"VINCENT! AT LEAST TAKE CREDIT FOR RIKU! YOU _AGREED _TO RIKU!" Vincent looked at his wife calmly suppressing his urge to grin desperately. "But Riku sounds pretty good when your wife is strung out on steroids from the hospital, high on hormones, and has just given birth to your child. Not to mention the fact that she's a totally sadistic pyro who could make you torture your own mind just by making you think of what she _might _do. And that's on a good day." Yuffie smiled. "Thank you honey", she tilted her head in a feminine way, "but flattery will only get you sex not outa the deep shit you'll be in if you don't confess." The car had gone silent. It was not wise to mess with mum when she was threatening dad.

Try to picture this as an outsider. An average women (or so it seems) is driving a truck full of furniture and boxes down a dark deserted road. She is leaning over a brunet child in the middle seat towards her husband with a completely adorable look on her face yet…her husband looks terrified and as if he just peed his pants, the child in between them looks about the same and in the back three other adolesants look thus: Leon, another brunet with startling blue gray eyes, looks, as always, uninterested; Riku, a boy with amazing natural silver hair, terrified almost like his father but more in a 'im soooo sorry for you man' kinda way and Axel, the fiery red headed pyro, is twitching slightly trying sooo hard not to smile but failing miserably because its even harder not to laugh.

Theres a rap on the driver's window. Yuffie turned around quickly to see a cop standing outside the window with his flashlight out and looking terribly confused. The window rolled down quietly. "Can I help you officer?" Yuffie asked sweetly. The startled officer seemed lost for words because after all that's what he was going to say. He coughed a bit and continued, " I was just wondering if you were lost ma'me"

"No sir." Yuffie smiled brightly, "the boys were getting a bit out of hand and their father is very tired from moving all day so I stopped to deal with it myself.

"Alright ma'me if you'll be ok then I'll just be on my way." He tipped his hat and looked at the boys and warned them sternly. "You all better do what your mother says or you just may end up in my car someday."

"More likely we'll be hangin with the paramedics" Riku whispered as the cop walked away. Yuffie laughed delightedly, "Honey! Riku finally understands me." She sighed happily, put the car back in gear and drove off down the road.


	2. what else can happen?

"Leon!" Yuffie waved a hand quickly in front of her "straight" sons face. "Leon…babe. Staring at your infatuation until they ask you out only works for your father, not stoics in general, and besides that was me." Leon continued to stare at the house next door. He had seen an angel. The angel had walked up to him…well he had trudged unwillingly behind his brother Demyx. Who had introduced both of them enthusiastically. The angel had looked at him and stared with these beautiful eyes and then then! THEN! The angel had said…all right fine then the angel had "mumbled"

" 'm Cloud sup?" If it had been anyone ANYONE else Leon would have shrugged and walked off. But for the first time in his life he really really wanted to say something and cared what it sounded like. And, of coarse, all he could manage was "Hn" a weak-kneed 'Hn' Next thing he knew his mum was waving her hand in front of his face laughing excitedly about shoneni. The rest of the night went by a lot like this, in bursts of memory. Unpack; beat up Axel for taunting him about his sexuality, unpack, hit Riku (same reason), eat dinner (alone with dad thankfully Yuffie and the others went to McDonalds), try to sleep, bolt up about to pound someone for touching him, realize its Roxas who's mad at Axel for not leaving Leon alone, put arm around brother, finally fall asleep, dream of angel.

The angel was standing quite still on a cloud; his wings were being ripped off!; the angel was falling! FALLING!

"NO! CLOUD!" Leon jerked awake sweating. "That's right Leon!" said a singsong voice. "We're going out with Cloud and Demy!" Roxas hugged him bolted up and ran downstairs.

"Out?" Leon questioned allowed. What did I miss? He thought.

"Well sorry sunshine your not dating him." Zexion had walked into the room. Leon threw a pillow at his brother. "IM STRAIGHT!" He wailed indignantly. Zexion snorted in laughter. "I love you so much sometimes goober." He said ruffling his brother's hair. "When will you understand that no one in this family is straight?"

"Riku is!"

"Riku's not had the chance to become gay. Don't worry he will. They're downstairs right now by the way." Leon jumped to his feet and looked around wildly searching for his clothes. "In the bathroom", a voice behind him said. He spun to see Roxas back in the doorway smiling quietly. "Black shirt, leather pants and all 8 million belts." He grinned ear-to-ear, "Already dug them all out." Leon gave his brother a rare smile and jogged off to the shower. 'One of the good things about sharing a room', he thought as he showered,' was the master bath.'

After strapping on the millionth belt Leon looked around, he felt at his neck, "Griever." He breathed thinking back his heart pounded "SHIT!" He sprinted downstairs barged into the living room, yanked Axel to his feet by the collar and growled, "What the fuck did you do with it?" in a deadly low tone. Axel smirked an "I told you so" look at his boyfriend over Leon's shoulder. "Um.." a small voice came from the armchair. Leon spun to see Roxas twitching nervously. He shoved Axel back down into his chair and strode over to comfort his younger brother all the while glaring at Zexion who was grinning like a wild man. Yuffie chose this time to slide in "Leon?! Who taught you to talk that way?"

"You" five male voices replied. She grinned wildly "Thank you"

"I asked Zexy to get it so I could show Cloud & Demyx. Sorry." He finished sinking into his chair as if willing it to absorb him. "Don't worry about it. You just scared me, I thought Axel tried to bury it or pawn it again." Axel chuckled and Demyx looked thoroughly disturbed. Zexion took this chance to play knight in shining armor by placing himself between Axel and Demyx. He put a hand on Demyx's shoulder. "Don't worry about Axel. He wouldn't have actually done it. Leon's his best friend he just knows that's the one way to get a rise outa Leon." Axel laughed. "That's what you think. I got tricks up my sleeve." He winked. "Hey Cloud got a boyfriend?" Zexion tensed up preparing himself for battle and thinking up a million excuses for his future wife…uh…partner to excuse his brothers. Leon grabbed for his gunblade with fire in his eyes but Yuffie got to it first. He swore that women was a ninja in a former life. "NO your not giving Axel a haircut and besides I don't wanna have to clean up the blood!" Leon went back to being stoic and merely grunted. Cloud stood up and handed Fenrir Griever back to Leon. "Sorry" he muttered and strode past Leon. A bolt of electricity flew up Leon's arm and to ehem other parts of his anatomy as Cloud's skin brushed his. It took the sound of the door shutting to snap him out of his daze. He shot a glare at Axel and stalked off to his room. Zexion slapped Axel upside the head. "Great! Now our band manager has gone emo thanks to you!" Axel frowned Leon never acted like this.


	3. Leon sulks

"Get the fuck out of that room Leon!"

Silence.

"Leon!" Yuffie banged on the door screaming his name over and over, banging, banging! "Leon! Leon! Leon! Leon! Leon! Humph!" She caught up her breath quickly and started again. "Squall Leonhart Kisaragi-Valentine! Leeeeeeeeooon!" The door swung open while she was in mid swing and her fists pounded into a solid chest instead of a wood door.

"Uh…ow."

"Sorry"

"Yea what ever" Leon went to slam the door but Yuffie was already inside. "So how was school?" Leon shot her a death glare that would send grown marines running. "You had a bad day?" she said weakly.

Silence

"He's not in your classes?"

"He's in ALL my classes!" Leon drawled trying desperately to sound bored. Yuffie saw right through that. "so your angry because…?"

Leon walked over to the door shut it quietly and slowly turned to face his mother. Yuffie was scared shitless, needless to say. Leon…let loose. HE! HE! OMG! HE…HE'S GORGEOUS! HE'S SMART! He's polite, helpful. He's not in any sports but he's naturally athletic. You can tell if you look at his muscles. They're so fine toned. But oh my god he looks so soft…" Leon let out a deep sigh. "What am I going to do mum? I mean after the whole griever incident he probably hates me. I …I give…I'm screwed." Yuffie patted her son on the head sympathetically and said "No honey you want to be screwed. Right now your still ignorantly unscrewed." Yuffie smiled innocently as Leon glared attempting not to laugh. Yuffie was one of the few people he could fully let himself out around but…he had a feeling he could do it with Cloud too. Yuffie smiled mischievously. "Oh no" Leon started "NO I know that look. That look happened right before you undressed Roxas and left him in Axel's bed!"

"Yea? And how great did they turn out?!"

"After Roxas wouldn't be in the same room with Axel for like um a month!" Yuffie grinned. Leon then watched his adorable mother skip down the stairs and call sweetly for her husband. He would have felt bad for his father but he was busy feeling sorry for himself.

Zexion was worried about Leon he had promised Demyx not to say anything but he hadn't expected his brother to get so upset. A little background on Leon. He had loads fo friends whether he wanted them or not, he is always called the "Ice prince" somehow no matter how many schools they went to and he was constantly mobbed by girls until he publicly announced about a week ago that he was totally gay and had his eye on someone. He then continued that he would really appreciate it if the mobs would leave him alone and stalk him from hiding places. So anyway it was very unusual for Leon to shut himself in his room, he preferred to be a stoic around other people as strange as that sounds. Zexion sighed and began the short trudge to the top of the steps, down the hall to the last room, and the working up of the courage to defy his infatuation. With a deep breathe he knocked on the door. "Leon? We gotta talk." The door opened a bit and he saw a flash of a blade before his brother left the doorway to let him in. Zexion pushed the door open and stepped over the thresh-hold.


	4. Riku finds a Sora

Leon was leaning on his elbows on his bed when Zexion walked in. Zexion was nervous and Leon knew it and that…made Leon nervous. Zexion sat on the bed next to his brother and Leon stood up. He began to pace back and forth with his hands behind his back and his facial expression undetectable. "Leon stop pacing" He shook his head as if disturbing a nearby fly. "Leon stop!"

Nothing

"Leon quit or Griever goes in the garbage disposal!" He stopped short analyzing the thought, he came to the conclusion that Zexion would be the one person who could manage that feat. "He's so upset Zex! I can't stand it. It hurts me!" He pointed to his chest. Zex flipped his hair back and sighed. "Would you like to know why, Mr. Avoids-the-obvious?" Leon was silent so he continued. "His adoptive parents died in a car crash. He's not only upset about the wreck but the only relatives that can take them in are such asses they say they'll only take Dem because he's blood related to them and Cloud's not. After that he feels guilty because Dem is refusing a life with wealthy parents that could assure his musical dreams are achieved, for Cloud. So they have nowhere to go when the house forecloses. Leon was in shock. "How…"

"Demyx." He stated shortly. "My boyfriend for over a month decided it was good to tell me we might never see each other again." Leon was pissed. Pissed that Cloud was leaving and pissed that he had been so caught up in his own problems he hadn't noticed his own brother was dating someone.

"Leon don't worry about it. We all know you get so caught up in depression you don't notice anything."

"He has a point." A girl's voice rang out. They both looked around and seemingly out of nowhere Yuffie appeared. "By the way they can live with us. I mean your basically stapled to Demyx anyway Zexy and this will help my Cloud-Leon master plan." Leon's eyes widened and all he could manage was "shit."

Riku came into the house with a look on his face that made Yuffie's day a grin spread ear to ear on her face. "M…mom," Riku said weakly.

"Woot! I knew it!" Yuffie jumped in the air with a triumphant pound. She bounded onto the couch cross-legged and gripping her shins excitedly. Riku could tell she was suppressing a fan girl squeal. "Tell me all about it!" Her eyes were glistening.

"She's fukin hot"

"She?" Yuffie gave him a glare that rivaled Leon's.

"Yea this way hot chick gave me her number. Said she had a friend she wanted me to meet. But I don't think I wanna go there. I mean if I think she's hot and I don't like her friend then how would that all work out?" he rambled a bit more which caused him to miss the flash of steel as five shiny throwing stars whistled past him, narrowly missing a few, ehem, important body parts. Riku stood frozen in place, terrified. "What?!" He finally managed.

"You're not straight quit lying to yourself!" Yuffie exclaimed before storming upstairs to join a stoically depressed Leon. Riku sighed. She was half right. The girl was gorgeous but he wasn't attracted to her in the least. But he wasn't gay! Guys were sooo not hot! A flustered Axel flung open the front door and was joined by two small boys. Roxas and…Roxas' brunet twin. Riku's jaw dropped. Axel glanced at the stars stuck in the wall slightly amused. "Deny your inner gayness again? Tisk tisk. " He wagged a finger, grinning but Riku didn't notice. Drool was now forming at the corner of his mouth. Axel's grin widened. He seized this opportunity and forced the chattering chipmunks apart. Stepping between them to deter further comment he pulled Roxas the original to himself and briskly shoved Sora into Riku. "He's my chattery, emo, pyro, boyfriend get your own. I don't wanna share!" Axel finished childishly with what might have been a pout but was not well accomplished because of the joking grin. He then swooped a protesting Roxas off for what Riku could only force himself to think of as an "apology" The picture of Roxas and Axel Making out wasn't a fun one.

We interrupt your regular scheduled shonenai make out scene to bring you these complaints.

Sexy Vampire's gurl : That's NOT WHAT YUFFIE SAYS! .

Yuffie: S.V.G. SHUT UP IM WRITING!

Conner cuz Yuffie doesn't like the name Homer: she's ight Yuffie I believe your exact words were 'a scene that rivals my love of the color P…'

Yuffie" SHUT UP! That's copyright infringement! Now let me write! Or No one gets cookies or plushies!

…Silence…

Yuffie: thank you

S.V.G.: Beep

Yuffie: Glares

S.V.G.: cowers

Riku then noticed a very cute very confused brunet was clinging to his shirt like the perfect little Uke. A jolt of lightning when through his stomach and lower areas as he soaked in the feeling of the small boy against his chest.

"Como esta?" Riku asked weakly

The boys face lit up. "Bien gracies Como te Iiamos?"

"Riku, Y tu?"

"Sora"

Translation for those of you who are not currently in spanglish class

Riku-how are you?

Sora- good thank you. What's your name?

Riku- Riku and you?

Sora- Sora

Sora was still leaning on him and Riku wasn't sure what to do. He had just realized that his mum in fact _did_ have a perfect "gay-dar" and that he was now infatuated with some gorgeous stranger. That, as weird as it sounds, looked like his brother. "So um.." Sora perked up quickly and said "Your gorgeous. Did you know that?" Riku flushed and attempted to mutter that Sora was beyond words of beauty but at that moment he was completely inarticulate. Sora took his hand ran his fingers over the knuckles, then the creases in his palm. "um.." Sora started to turn bright red. And his hand started to shake. "I'm sorry." He panicked and readjusting his messenger bag he started quickly towards the door. Riku had no clue what was going on but he did know he had to have a phone number. He jogged after the boy and grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Can I have your phone number?" He splurred out quickly. Sora seemed to be totally shocked by this question but pulled a pen from his bag and began to write a number on Riku's outstretched hand. Riku smiled at him and his face seemed to light up again the way it was a few moments ago. Then he was gone. Riku collapsed against the door, eyes shut so that he could concentrate on embedding the feeling of Sora's touch into his skin. When he did open his eyes it was to see Axel leaning against the wall at the stair landing smirking. "what?" Riku asked dully.

Axel shook his head. "Nothing. Its just that your about as straight as a corkscrew, as Sora likes to put it." Riku shook his head in a 'thanks for the update' sort of way. "So what happened here anyway?" Riku finally managed. Axel's eyes got cold and his face became pale. "Roxas managed to slip away and buy them both pixi stix. I don't mean the small adorable ones. I mean the frikkin' arm length ones. By the time I got to them they had drained that and a couple of Nos energy drinks." He shuddered. "Sugar High"

"Hm." Riku responded. " That explains it." Axel gave him a questioning look but changed his mind and decided to go with taunting. "Mum wants to rent out the basement. Sora's in town on tuition and was thinking about renting it out." Riku didn't take the bait exactly the way Axel had been hoping. Instead of freaking out he grinned brightly, strode over to the couch and passed out. NO he did not faint! Men don't faint! They pass out from sheer pleasure and have wonderful wet dreams. And of coarse that's exactly what Riku, as a man, was going to do. As if on cue Roxas came bounding down the stairs to Axel with the cutest 'Wanna play?' Grin ever known to man. Axel's knees got weak and he followed the blonde up to their room.

Yuffie sighed as she watched all this from her hiding spot. Almost all was well. Leon was always most difficult but she could handle him. A hand slid down Yuffie's spine and she smiled. Only one person could find her when she was in shonenai stalking mode. She turned to see her husband's beautiful vampiric face and his loving soft smile. She cuddled up to him as he took her in his arms; her fingers splayed across his chest and her other hand running up and down his back. "I love you, Yuffie Valentine," The vampire whispered softly. "I love you, Vincent. They both smiled. And the troublesome aura slipped from the house and even Leon found himself a bit calmer and more able to appreciate his mother's gumption for taking in two more boys. (because of coarse he doesn't know about Sora yet.)


End file.
